The flipside

Scott

I started writing this post on Monday of this week (2/15) and kept stopping because I had something else to do or a place to go, mostly because I was trying really hard to get a series of things taken care of to take an extended weekend to spend time with mom & dad.

It's late on Thursday night and I'm in PA and have the time to make a proper post.

This post is going to be a little different than past blogs. I'm going to take a moment to talk about mom's cancer journey for me.

But FIRST... and update.

Tuesday mom had blood drawn (standard) and the tests revealed that her electrolytes were a mess and she had a couple of infections, so her doctors wanted her to go to the hospital. Luckily for dad, my uncle was there and able to help him get mom out of the house and to the ER. Tonight I'm blogging from her bedside in the hospital.

All things considered, she's doing well.

Unlike last week, she is a little stronger and has been able to stand and scootch (scooch?) from the bed to a chair. This is a really good thing. Her nurse informed us late tonight that her levels have been improving, so it's becoming more reasonable to believe that they might release her tomorrow. We'll just have to wait and see.

Now for me...

Of course it's hard to have a loved one go through cancer. That's pretty much a given.
Cancer comes along and F's up your life no matter who you are and what your relationship is to it...

For our family, this experience has flipped our lives upside down.

Growing up, we were pretty poor. And so we learned from experience that family came second to work. It's something my parents instilled in Amy and I as we left home. No matter what, don't jeopardize your source of income. Visit when you have time off from work, go back after your visit when you need to, even if that means the visit is super short. Family always came second to work, career and other obligations.

So now... it's flipped. Mom now has to be our priority.

That makes the situation even harder for my sister and I. We both have this intense work ethic drilled into us. We've always been work-horses, putting a lot of pride in our work, our accomplishments and our various projects. 

For me, and I know there are many reasons for this, I am always pouring myself into things and projects (this for example). As such, I've poured myself into creative endeavors like improv, teaching, and directing; starting my own freelance PR company; pushing the limits of my full time job into projects that consume my time far beyond the time I have to give; and of course into my relationship with Ian, a gift I treasure and one that has taught me value in enjoying my downtime.

For most of my life, my folks have celebrated those things with me. I have always felt their pride in my accomplishments. I still feel it, even as mom struggles with her health. And that makes it all the more difficult to push the hold button on things, to pull my hand back from the miriad of balls I'm juggling so that I can enjoy these times with mom and help Dad, and Amy when they need it.

But these are the times fables are made of. These are the moments pastors preach about. These are the stories our elders tell of misplaced priorities - holding onto things that pass away instead of people and memories we carry with us forever.  

And so we come home.

We find a way to make things work, to delegate obligations, to rely on others who offer to help, and to focus on what's important, on time together. We share love, give love and receive love and pray for as many days as the Good Lord will allow us to celebrate our lives together.

I hope that through this journey I'll retain some of that... that I'll be more engaged with those I love, that I'll take time for family and friends in need, and that I'll love a little more.