Scott
Saturday was mom's memorial service.
We started this blog on May 9, 2015. It took less than a year for her struggle to be over. In 10 months, we have grown incredibly closer as a family. Dad retired and stepped up to help mom like never before. We saw him dedicate himself to mom. Amy and I spent more time in Butler than we had since we were kids.
Mom's service was a culmination of all of that. It was remarkable.
We truly celebrated mom's life in a way that most befitted her. She would have been happy with the service and luncheon. She would have enjoyed the food and the company. Surprisingly we didn't cry a lot. There were tears for sure, but Amy, Dad and I were able to make it through our parts in the service and in greeting guests without a major breakdown.
And now we start a new chapter in our family's life... a time where mom's presence is a memory, where her spirit lives on in our lives, where we feel her presence and her love without her physically with us.
She touched the lives of so many people in so many ways and we will all miss her.
Reflecting on today, and on this process...
Always take the time to show someone you love them, don't wait for a better time.
Send notes, cards and photos. We didn't print out one email, but we looked at cards, letters and tangible things we had from mom's life.
Take photos, print out photos, don't be shy about capturing the moment.
And love each other.
In preparing for mom's service I looked for verse from the Bible that summed up what mom taught us, that encompassed all that she was to us. And I found Romans 15:1-7
"We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves. 2 Each of us should please our neighbors for their good, to build them up. 3 For even Christ did not please himself but, as it is written: “The insults of those who insult you have fallen on me.”[a] 4 For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope.
5 May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had, 6 so that with one mind and one voice you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.
7 Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God."
Mom always taught us to accept one another, to bear with the failings of the weak, to build up our neighbors and to love each other.
She lived that out in her life and she now lives it out through ours.
We love you Mary, we will miss you very much.
Monday, March 21, 2016
Saturday, March 12, 2016
Saying Goodbye
Scott
It is with great sadness that we have to report that mom passed away on Friday afternoon.
It was really wonderful to have such a nice birthday with her.
We are in great sorrow as we grieve her loss. But the support of our friends and family has been amazing and we grow closer to each other through this event. We feel mom's love with us as we are moving through this time.
Mom did not want a viewing or a funeral so we are carrying out her wishes by holding a memorial service for her at our home church at Thorncreek next Saturday morning. We will have a private burial time for our family and close friends on Monday morning where we will say our final goodbye. I am sure there will be a lot of tears and memories and laughter and joyful moments.
Today I set up a memorial donation page in honor of mom on the Humane Society of the United States' website. In lieu of flowers you can support my mom's memory by supporting one of her favorite causes, protecting and loving animals.
http://action.humanesociety.org/site/TR?px=7604914&pg=personal&fr_id=1175
We will also be converting her Facebook page to a memorial page soon.
Tonight we submitted her official obituary and photo. I'm including that here in memory and honor of her.
It is with great sadness that we have to report that mom passed away on Friday afternoon.
It was really wonderful to have such a nice birthday with her.
We are in great sorrow as we grieve her loss. But the support of our friends and family has been amazing and we grow closer to each other through this event. We feel mom's love with us as we are moving through this time.
Mom did not want a viewing or a funeral so we are carrying out her wishes by holding a memorial service for her at our home church at Thorncreek next Saturday morning. We will have a private burial time for our family and close friends on Monday morning where we will say our final goodbye. I am sure there will be a lot of tears and memories and laughter and joyful moments.
Today I set up a memorial donation page in honor of mom on the Humane Society of the United States' website. In lieu of flowers you can support my mom's memory by supporting one of her favorite causes, protecting and loving animals.
http://action.humanesociety.org/site/TR?px=7604914&pg=personal&fr_id=1175
We will also be converting her Facebook page to a memorial page soon.
Tonight we submitted her official obituary and photo. I'm including that here in memory and honor of her.
MARY ALICE (LEES)
MYERS
March 10, 1949 – March 11, 2016
March 10, 1949 – March 11, 2016
Mary Alice (Lees) Myers passed away peacefully the afternoon
of Friday, March 11, 2016, surrounded by family at her home in Jefferson
Township, Butler, PA. Born in Pittsburgh, PA, on March 10, 1949, to Harry and Hilda
(Holton) Lees, Mary spent her childhood in Penn Township, Butler,
PA. A 1967 graduate of Knoch High School, she held many 4H honors in dress
making and clothing. She married Francis Samuel Myers on December 31, 1970.
She is survived by her husband Francis and her children,
Scott A. Myers of Ferndale, MI, and Amy N. Myers of Philadelphia, PA. She is also survived by her parents, Harry and
Hilda Lees of Penn Township, Butler, PA, and her siblings, Tom Lees of Butler,
PA, and Patricia (Lees) Hartman of Lyndora, PA.
Mary worked for the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania at the Butler
County Assistance Office and was a member of AFSCME for over 25 years, retiring
in the Spring of 2011. A longtime member of Thorncreek United Methodist Church,
she taught Sunday School and served for several years as the church secretary,
and she and her husband also served as youth pastors. She had a passion for
animals, supporting such organizations as the ASPCA and the Humane Society.
The Myers and Lees families and members of Thorncreek United
Methodist Church will carry out Mary’s wishes by welcoming family, friends,
neighbors, and colleagues to a brief memorial service at 11:00 AM on Saturday,
March 19, at Thorncreek United Methodist Church, 142 Rockdale Road, Butler, PA
16002. The service will be immediately followed by a luncheon reception in the
church’s fellowship hall.
In lieu of flowers, Mary has asked that family and friends
support the Humane Society of the United States by visiting a special memorial
page designated for Mary at:
http://action.humanesociety.org/site/TR?px=7604914&pg=personal&fr_id=1175
Regarding Mary’s passing the family has issued the
following: “Our family has been touched by the outpouring of support from those
who loved Mary and have been touched by her spirit. We will miss her dearly and
will gather up these memories and cherish them as we honor her through our
lives.”
Thursday, March 10, 2016
Happy Birthday
Scott
Today (well, technically yesterday) was mom's 67th birthday.
She spent it at home resting for much of the day, reading cards from friends and family, and spending time with us. All things considered it was a nice birthday evening.
Since our last update some things have changed.
Mom came home from the hospital on Friday, March 4. After spending 17 days at Butler Memorial, Mom, Dad, and her doctors determined that it was time for her to go home. She had entered the hospital this time with very abnormal electrolyte levels and, as it turns out a blood infection (Sepsis), urinary infection and a little bit of pneumonia. A regimented plan of antibiotics took care of her infections (The blood infection most likely caused by her last visit to the hospital.) So that was a very good thing.
What was not so good was mom's recovery from everything else.
Let's talk for a moment about hospitals.
When you go into the hospital, or are admitted, your condition is considered "Acute." This means that you have an active situation that the hospital will do their very best to resolve, get you better and send you home. This is what hospitals do.
In mom's case, those conditions were her infections and her electrolyte levels. The hospital successfully resolved her infections while also treating her electrolytes. But her levels, as we knew going in, have been thrown out of whack by the pervasiveness, and proliferation of cancer through her body. The staff would get her levels to normalize, but once they stopped administering treatment, they'd go back to abnormal... all the while she continued to get weaker.
Cancer really disrupts your body's ability to regulate itself.
So after 17 days of hospital care, working round the clock to fix mom's problems it became clear to us that this beastly disease, this stage of cancer would not yield its grip on her through the means, procedures and medicinal technologies available to us. In short, the hospital ran out of ways and their ability to "fix" mom's problems... And mom and dad chose to begin hospice care at home.
Going Home
Last Friday was a very difficult day. I was still in Detroit, planning to spend the weekend with Ian before coming to PA for mom's birthday. But once the decision was made to bring mom home, my plans changed and I drove home Saturday afternoon. Amy had already been here since Feb 20th... she went ahead of Dad and the ambulance and met the first hospice team to set up a hospital bed at the house and prep for mom's arrival.
Once home, our hospice agency began 24/7 care, keeping an aide at the house for 24 hours a day... one for the day time and one for night.
There is a lot of misunderstandings of what hospice means. We have learned so much in the past week. These people have been amazing to say the least. On Saturday last week, the aid that was here during the day gave mom the most extensive, therapeutic and beneficial hand bath/scrub ever. When I got to the house, mom looked radiant. Her skin that had grown gray and pale in the hospital was flush and soft. Though she was weak and had lost her voice due to the dry hospital air, she was restful and peaceful. We had not even really started pain medications. Coming home put mom at rest both in body and in mind, and the hospice nurses and aids have continued to show her that ever since. As mom is able she takes her medicines, supplements etc. Hospice, it turns out, doesn't shut everything off... it just focuses on making mom as comfortable as possible.
Mary 67
The last 36 hours have been rough for us.
Mom's pain has continued to increase, little by little. We have to often adjust her in the bed. She is too weak to pull herself up, move her legs, wiggle her butt, etc. Things we all take for granted. She is having more and more pain directly related to the cancer. She has good pain meds that help, and she is sleeping a lot.
We've all taken turns sitting with her, holding her hand, brushing her hair, talking to her, listening to her laugh at things... and sometimes listening to her grumble and, well, she has that right. And being who she is, she always apologizes.
We had 24 hour care for the first couple of days, then we were on our own for two nights... with nurse and aid visits during the day. Yesterday, we went back to having a night nurse who stays up with mom through the night to monitor her and help her when she needs it - giving us a chance to sleep. Tonight's nurse was the same as last night and she brought mom a chocolate birthday cake after she said that was her favorite. She is awesome. She just sits and pours care on mom almost like an Angel.
Today it rained here all day, like it's raining in our hearts.
We're crying a lot, we're sharing a lot, and we're loving a lot. In some ways it feels as though heaven is pouring out on us and sometimes that's a blessing and sometimes it's painful. And as we move into Spring and the days grow longer we know that our days with mom are getting shorter. We do not know how many days we have left, we only know that we are thankful for each one that comes and goes.
We are passing along all messages, cards, etc mom receives, so feel free to reach out, comment on Facebook, etc. Words of hope, kindness and love are great. Neighbors, church members and some family members have brought food which is such an amazing blessing. (My aunt Lois and uncle Carl are absolute champions.) And we can always feel those prayers, thoughts and positive vibes, they are always welcome.
Today (well, technically yesterday) was mom's 67th birthday.
She spent it at home resting for much of the day, reading cards from friends and family, and spending time with us. All things considered it was a nice birthday evening.
Since our last update some things have changed.
Mom came home from the hospital on Friday, March 4. After spending 17 days at Butler Memorial, Mom, Dad, and her doctors determined that it was time for her to go home. She had entered the hospital this time with very abnormal electrolyte levels and, as it turns out a blood infection (Sepsis), urinary infection and a little bit of pneumonia. A regimented plan of antibiotics took care of her infections (The blood infection most likely caused by her last visit to the hospital.) So that was a very good thing.
What was not so good was mom's recovery from everything else.
Let's talk for a moment about hospitals.
When you go into the hospital, or are admitted, your condition is considered "Acute." This means that you have an active situation that the hospital will do their very best to resolve, get you better and send you home. This is what hospitals do.
In mom's case, those conditions were her infections and her electrolyte levels. The hospital successfully resolved her infections while also treating her electrolytes. But her levels, as we knew going in, have been thrown out of whack by the pervasiveness, and proliferation of cancer through her body. The staff would get her levels to normalize, but once they stopped administering treatment, they'd go back to abnormal... all the while she continued to get weaker.
Cancer really disrupts your body's ability to regulate itself.
So after 17 days of hospital care, working round the clock to fix mom's problems it became clear to us that this beastly disease, this stage of cancer would not yield its grip on her through the means, procedures and medicinal technologies available to us. In short, the hospital ran out of ways and their ability to "fix" mom's problems... And mom and dad chose to begin hospice care at home.
Going Home
Last Friday was a very difficult day. I was still in Detroit, planning to spend the weekend with Ian before coming to PA for mom's birthday. But once the decision was made to bring mom home, my plans changed and I drove home Saturday afternoon. Amy had already been here since Feb 20th... she went ahead of Dad and the ambulance and met the first hospice team to set up a hospital bed at the house and prep for mom's arrival.
Once home, our hospice agency began 24/7 care, keeping an aide at the house for 24 hours a day... one for the day time and one for night.
There is a lot of misunderstandings of what hospice means. We have learned so much in the past week. These people have been amazing to say the least. On Saturday last week, the aid that was here during the day gave mom the most extensive, therapeutic and beneficial hand bath/scrub ever. When I got to the house, mom looked radiant. Her skin that had grown gray and pale in the hospital was flush and soft. Though she was weak and had lost her voice due to the dry hospital air, she was restful and peaceful. We had not even really started pain medications. Coming home put mom at rest both in body and in mind, and the hospice nurses and aids have continued to show her that ever since. As mom is able she takes her medicines, supplements etc. Hospice, it turns out, doesn't shut everything off... it just focuses on making mom as comfortable as possible.
Mary 67
The last 36 hours have been rough for us.
Mom's pain has continued to increase, little by little. We have to often adjust her in the bed. She is too weak to pull herself up, move her legs, wiggle her butt, etc. Things we all take for granted. She is having more and more pain directly related to the cancer. She has good pain meds that help, and she is sleeping a lot.
We've all taken turns sitting with her, holding her hand, brushing her hair, talking to her, listening to her laugh at things... and sometimes listening to her grumble and, well, she has that right. And being who she is, she always apologizes.
We had 24 hour care for the first couple of days, then we were on our own for two nights... with nurse and aid visits during the day. Yesterday, we went back to having a night nurse who stays up with mom through the night to monitor her and help her when she needs it - giving us a chance to sleep. Tonight's nurse was the same as last night and she brought mom a chocolate birthday cake after she said that was her favorite. She is awesome. She just sits and pours care on mom almost like an Angel.
Today it rained here all day, like it's raining in our hearts.
We're crying a lot, we're sharing a lot, and we're loving a lot. In some ways it feels as though heaven is pouring out on us and sometimes that's a blessing and sometimes it's painful. And as we move into Spring and the days grow longer we know that our days with mom are getting shorter. We do not know how many days we have left, we only know that we are thankful for each one that comes and goes.
We are passing along all messages, cards, etc mom receives, so feel free to reach out, comment on Facebook, etc. Words of hope, kindness and love are great. Neighbors, church members and some family members have brought food which is such an amazing blessing. (My aunt Lois and uncle Carl are absolute champions.) And we can always feel those prayers, thoughts and positive vibes, they are always welcome.
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